dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
