Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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