I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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