Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
