Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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