"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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