I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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