12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
