Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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