If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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