I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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