this beer tastes like vomit already
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
