at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
