did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
