dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
