"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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