Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize