And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
do nipples grow back?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
