You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
