I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize