Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
