I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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