I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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