you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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