Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
