I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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