he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
