Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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