hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
