Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
