i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
