you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize