OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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