can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
