im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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