Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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