So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
