he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
did i just pee glitter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
