why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
