Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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