i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
