I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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