Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
