a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
