Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
