I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize