I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
