Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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