So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
