So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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