tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
