and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
