I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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