I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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