UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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