I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
