i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
