Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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