Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
