I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize