dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
