i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
