The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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