My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
