my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize