I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
