I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i think i just lost a toe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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