what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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