But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
