Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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