just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
