I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
