y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
