She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
