Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
