I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
