My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
