I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
