This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
this hospital has no fireball
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
