i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
