Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize