dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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