You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
