I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
