Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
