I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
