found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
