if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
