Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
