GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize