Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
