those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
