she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
