It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
