I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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