Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
