OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize