Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
