I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
