We're facebook friends in real life
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Found your dick twin last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
