i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
