Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
