he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
