I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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