My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
