Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
